Innie vs Outtie: Who Really Won?
I recently bing-watched Severance. I could not help but be hooked on the show for two days straight!
I guess the innies’ struggle for autonomy deeply resonated with me.
If you had ever met my innie at work (in a corporate setting, that is), you would have felt great sympathy for her. She was pleasant, but suffered because of poor leadership. She never really found a mentor who was truly invested in her career growth. In fact, things often fell on the extreme end of the unfortunate- rebukes were personal, and the slights intentioned to cut deep. Workplace yelling, unjust anger and vindictiveness- all with disproportionately low pay- were also in the mix. It really made me question how this has been allowed to happen for so long in our workplaces and it seriously affected my mental health.
The thing is, unlike the show, I had to take my innie home every day. Reaching home did not mean disconnecting. In fact, work often bled into the personal - and there was very little personal left. I didn’t mind the long hours as long as the work was exciting. It was everything around it that created chaos- chiefly, the people. “Hell is other people”, exclaimed Jean Paul Sartre. If so much of our happiness depends on the moods of others at work, why don’t we make more of an effort to be kind to one another?
If you belong to the school of thought which believes that work trumps everything else, or that being emotional at work is unprofessional- I don’t like you already. No offence.
However, if you believe in the human component- the outward display of emotions- in the corporate world, you are brave. Because it isn’t easy to be vulnerable, especially in surroundings that require you to keep up appearances. I tried changing my circumstances-switching jobs, making appeals to be heard by those in power, pointing out systemic flaws- only to be berated and reprimanded for it.
I realised I couldn’t be the model employee and still have independent thoughts, strong opinions, or a personality. That wasn’t what was expected of me by my employers.
In many ways, they felt like the reflection of a ‘proper’ society- a society whose norms I’d been fighting since I was little.
More power to the innies in the show because they brought about change from within the system. In my case, I realised that I didn’t have the might to change an entire system so I turned my focus inward and put myself first. I
I removed myself from it, and hope to make it on my own. Maybe that’s the kind of strength we need- the quiet kind, rooted in faith in our own abilities. Let that be the one lesson I take from it.